I Can't Have You
by Rina Aria
Summary: I wanted to know why you always look at me with those eyes. After all we are not the same person. Alternate Milla knew that she fell in love with the least chance of being returned. She is just the other side of the girl he loved. She wanted to know how was her reflection like and asked Leia. One-sided Alt. Milla/Jude Hinted Jude/Milla


**Disclaimer: It's obvious I don't have Tales of Xillia, because it was properties of Bandai Namco.**

Since I got another idea for a fanfic, then I need to write it out! Sorry for those who got bored because I was the one that made this fandom a little bit merrier was a stupid author with stupid grammar knowledge. But, the thought that count right?

Anyway, like what I said in the summary and I bet you wanted to know why I wrote Jude/Milla and Milla/Jude, the main character over here is The Parallel World Milla. Hehehe, lately when I browsed into pixiv and specifically wrote JuMilla, there _is_ Jude who gets paired with the other Milla (and here I thought the other Milla fell in love with Ludger).

Moreover, I think that the fandom didn't have any specific story about the character that just appeared in Xillia 2, like Ludger and the Purple Twin (Nova and Vel maybe?) for example. Oh geez, now you listened to all my random rambling, anyway please enjoy the story and please **review**~

**Note: The entire story was from Milla –no longer- Maxwell (Alternate Milla) point of view! For the shortening sake, I called her Milla.**

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**Milla POV**

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I walked into the inn with a bag full of ingredients with Leia and Elize, who helped me shopping, when Elle greeted us cheerfully, saying, "Welcome back Leia, Elize, Milla," she said cheerfully, she was accompanied by Lulu, Ludger cat.

Elize and Leia greeted Elle back first, while I looked at our rented inn. Well, it was the first time I went to this inn and the one who choose and arranged it was Alvin, Ludger, Rowen, and Jude. I shrugged it off and looked at Elle who approached me.

I smiled to Elle and answered, "We're back Elle. Where is everyone?" I said in questioning tone and looked over the inn, looking for our group and someone in particular.

Elle looked at me and said, "Well, Jude is inside his room, reading book and daydreaming. Ludger was waiting in the kitchen while Alvin and Rowen playing a card game," Elle answered with a pouting face. I bet she was bored when she waited for us to get back.

Elize then raised her voice saying, "Ah, they must be playing Poker! I need to go watch it," Elize said as she ran off to the inside of the inn.

Elle looked to the direction where Elize had gone off to and said, "Wait Elize, I'm coming with you," Elle said before she ran to follow Elize.

I looked at Leia and we laughed at their cheerfulness. We then put our bag in the kitchen and let Ludger do the rest. I could see it that he was determined at cooking something by himself so I didn't lend him a hand.

With nothing to do, I and Leia went back to the girl room which were for me, Leia, Elize, and also Elle. I could see that Leia looked over me with this sad gazes like how the other, except Ludger and Elle, looked at me.

I knew the reason was because I am another version of their best friend named Milla Maxwell but still Maxwell. But, I'm not her even if I resembled her a lot. Almost all of them knew that I was different person and I respected their attempt to not speak about Milla Maxwell.

But, lately I get this weird feeling when Jude looked over me with the same gazes. It felt reassuring yet painful at the same time. I knew it was about Milla Maxwell and I tried to ignore it. Yet, I still couldn't shake this pain inside my chest which I knew was out of love. Yeah, I fell in love with the most wrong person in this world. My life is a total mess.

I'm not stupid, I knew the reason why I felt that Jude gazes was different from the other. He was in love with Milla Maxwell, my other self. That's why I wanted to know what kind of person this Milla Maxwell is and how come she and Jude get to know each other.

I looked over to the person in front of me, Leia, and gathering my courage. I almost touched the subject that almost everyone wanted to avoid, so I need to prepare myself. I took a deep breath in before I said, "Leia, I have some question, could you answer it?" I said with looking to Leia straight into her eyes.

Leia was, obviously, surprised by my sudden change in expression. It only took her an instant to revert back to her usual cheerful mood and asked, "What is it, Milla? I will answer as long as it was around my expertise," she said with a big smile on.

"It was… well, I wanted to ask about Jude and Milla. Could you answer it?" I said not long after that with slightly relaxed tone, thanks to Leia smile.

Leia looked at me with big eyes of surprise and her smile was changed into an open mouth with her hands trying to cover her mouth. She stayed like that for a few second before she asked, "Why the sudden question, Milla? And with that you mean Jude and Milla Maxwell right?" she asked with visible surprise on her words.

I nodded at her, but I refused to admit that I'm in love with Jude, and said, "I-it was… out of curiousness," I said while looking away.

I heard Leia let out a dry laugh before saying, "Don't tell me… Milla… you fell for him… too?" Leia said with a hint of nervousness on her words before she squeaked at her own words.

I looked over her and with anger on my voice, I said, "Who fell for who?! And what's with that 'too?' in the end!" I said with angry voice to Leia. I admit I'm in love with Jude, but what's with her tone?! It irritates me.

Leia only laughed before she said, "Okay, okay, I understand. So, what question about Milla that you wanted to ask?" Leia said with a mischievous grin on.

I pouted and said, "Everything about her," I answered shortly.

Leia laughed again before she said, "Relax Milla, I will tell you what you want but no hard feeling okay? So, don't poison my food later on for this. Okay, I shall start from how Milla looked one year ago," Leia said before she coughed, trying to have some dignity, maybe.

"Milla looked completely like you, Milla. Well, the difference in appearance was Milla had some strains of her hairs over here…" Leia motioned the part of hair that she mentioned when she continued, "… have green color highlight. From what I heard from Alvin, it was some kind of 'charm point' made by the Great Spirit Sylph for her. Aside from that, she looked like you Milla, from the outside," Leia said with a nostalgic face, I could see that she was close with Milla too.

"The most obvious was that you two had completely different speaking pattern. Milla speak with formal, book-like, speaking pattern, in the border of masculine, I guess. But, you speak like us, like how normal girl will speak, especially the Tsundere tone, that's it," Leia give a mischievous smile when she mentions the latter part.

"Who is Tsundere?!" I retaliated while trying to control my boiling temper.

Leia laughed and said, "That was another difference between Milla and you. Milla was dense to the core and she never got mad at anything, having forgiving soul and an unexplainable curiousness. Well, Milla was still a Maxwell when we met her, so she had no knowledge about human living way. But, Milla, you are separated from Maxwell at the age of nine right? So you are more girly and human than Milla," Leia said with a smile on.

I drew back to my seat with a bitter smile on. I couldn't decide either Leia was praising me or she mocked me. But, she only mentioned our difference, so I guess it was still bearable.

"Jude had the full story about how he met Milla, but from bit and pieces I got from him, at the time they met, Milla was on her way to destroy Lance of Kresnik while Jude was on investigation about the sudden rise of patient admitted in the hospital. They met outside the spirit research facility in Fennmont and somehow they journeyed together. It would become long to tell you the full story, so at some point of time, Milla died protecting us by using all of her life force on Lance of Kresnik to save us from a destroying magic. I guessed from that point on, Jude platonic love to Milla become deeper than sea. If you could see it yourself, all he said every time after that was 'Milla this' and 'Milla that' that it was both funny and depressing for me. You see, I used to like Jude too, but I knew that I couldn't beat Milla or make Jude forget about Milla so I stopped," Leia said with a sad face at the end.

Now it was my turn to get surprised. But, I noticed that Milla sacrificed her life to save Jude and the other. If it follows that logic then Lance of Kresnik should have remained but there isn't Lance of Kresnik here and Milla Maxwell lived. Maybe, Milla Maxwell was reborn as a Spirit and at last succeeds the position of Maxwell.

Leia looked like she understands what I thought because she then said, "Milla died, yeah. But, Jude gathered everyone again once more and we decided to look for Milla's purpose… it lead us to Maxwell at that time. I don't know how but at that time Milla revived from her dead… other thing happened too but it was all past so it won't get too long. What I knew after that, Milla seemed to love Jude too like how Jude loves her. It was a deep yet saddening love that we all, who silently know that, wished they could live together somewhere. Well, we only wished yet Jude found the answer himself. I have a little quiz for you, Milla. Do you know what Jude answer was?" Leia said with a hint of playfulness at the end.

I was snapped back into reality with Leia question. I squinted my eyebrows as I trying to find some answer of that question. The answer of a wish that they could live together… a world where he could live with Milla… a world of spirit and human…

I literally screamed my answer out, "**He actually researched Origin for THAT**?!" I screamed to Leia who covered her ears in order to block my voice from her hearing.

Leia laughed nervously as she said, "Yeah, and Milla actually give him an okay for that. So, even if not so official, they are lover. And moreover Jude is seriously going to change the world for the sake of one person. Amazing isn't it? That's why you must hurry up and gives up too, like me for example!" Leia said playfully while still covering her ears.

I let out a deep long sigh. If that was the case, I really couldn't hope to have his eyes seeing me as whom I am. All he saw at me was his Milla, even at our first meeting, his eyes were sad and painful it hurts me so much. He was the only one who refused to say my name directly, sticking with 'Milla-san' no matter how many I protested. The name 'Milla' was only for his beloved.

Maybe because I was quiet Leia then said, "But, Milla… for Jude you are precious too. I understand him perfectly about that," Leia said with a reassuring voice.

I looked away then said, "Then, why he looked at me with this hard to breathe gaze when we first meet? I thought I do something bad at him and I felt quite guilty at that. Especially he seemed to took we are the same Milla when Elize point out that I had different outfit than Milla," I complained out loud as I pouted. It disturbed me for who knows how long, and the way he remained emotionless is so annoying.

Leia laughed at that and pat my back as she said, "If it was about that time. As his childhood friend I know perfectly what the reason was. It was because you looked like Milla that Jude thought that you are a Time Factor. And if that was the problem, Ludger would have to kill you and Jude was torn about what he should do, protect you or let Ludger do his job. If you are dead, it's the same for Jude that his Milla died in front of him twice, without he could do anything," Leia said with reassuring voice.

I tried to find my voice to retaliate, but when I realized it, my eyes watered. I couldn't win from Milla. I wasn't Milla Maxwell after all. But, Jude still thinks about me that deep, even if it was because I looked like his Milla. His kindness hurts…

I silently cried on Leia with her hugging me as if she knew I wanted no one to see me crying. Leia knew exactly how I felt because we are the same, we fell in love with a person we couldn't hope to have. And we couldn't do anything but give up.

"That stupid Jude. How come he became that loveable after I beat him into pulp when we were kid?!" Leia whined with shaky voice.

"Really, those blind men who only do research this research that. How come I fell for him anyway?!" I argued back with Leia as I let myself slowly giving up.

I and Leia talked back and forth, mostly cursing Jude for being a good looking man with good brain and good manner, damn him for being too perfect. When we finally stopped when we had no more material on cursing Jude, we looked at each other and laughed at our bad face.

We only broke our laughter when we heard a knock on our door. Leia answered from our place and I heard, "Hey Leia, are you with Milla-san in there? Ludger said that the food was prepared and we must hurry up," the voice said.

At first I was shocked but I felt myself became more calm when I realized that it was Jude, only Jude. I heard Leia answering Jude calling by opening the door but I found myself still sitting on my bed silently thought, '_Even if I can't have you, you really is amazing Jude,_'

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So, that's what passed my head when I saw the drawing of Jude and Parallel Milla. About the Time Factor part, it was something I made off but I guess that even Namco won't dare to kill Milla in front of Jude because without that, Jude and Milla already have a fair amount tragedy. I felt slightly bad for Parallel Milla though… just slightly, because I couldn't stop smiling when Parallel Milla dead bring Milla back. Oh and hey, if both Milla and Ludger died then they were together in afterlife~: D

Forgive my weird logic, XD.


End file.
